Friends moving away fucking sucks, especially, when you only have a few. That horrible seductress named Toronto has stolen them away from me with false promises of a better life. To appease my loneliness I may have to follow them shortly. It’s not easy for me to make friends because I’m not friendly. There are so few people worth hanging out with. People you can trust. People you can respect and look up to. It will be just me, my site, and my coding. My job I guess too, but I don’t fit in with 1 person there. They’re all sports, gambling, and gaming nerds. That’s what they talk about and I have zero input to give because I’m not involved in those things. I’m out of place at my job. I don’t fit in. And that’s okay. I am different; I know that.
I spend my time writing, researching, casually drinking, coding, and attempting to start a website. There has to be more out there like me. But where are they? I would like to think they are in Toronto. But Toronto seems like the most antisocial place on earth. The bigger the population, the less social people are. The more the “every man for himself” mentality. So where do I find new friends? I’ve never had to search for friends before. What do you do? Ask a guy out on a man date? Interview him to see if you have things in common? He’ll for sure think I’m gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Who does what I do? Who spends the majority of their time thinking? Who writes and requires intelligent conversation? Who watches 50 Ted Talks in a week? (That’s right 50). Who can I learn from who knows more than me and is still willing to hangout with a lesser person? Because, that’s what I want. Do I put an ad on Kijiji, “Looking for intelligent, independent thinker who’s making his own rules on how to live.” What kind of response would I get? Do I become superficially social and friendly to bring people in for an interview? That would be tough considering I’m an introvert. Even having the best intentions at heart, it would come off as nervous and fabricated conversation. You can’t just walk up to someone and say, “I’ve been watching you for awhile and think we’re suited to be friends.” Or can you?
It may be time for extraordinary measures. I sound desperate, which implies, “beggers can’t be choosers”, but I am choosy. As I mentioned earlier, I want specific type friends and will not settle for less. I’d rather hangout with no one and get real work done than waste time in constant small talk. The common assumption is that introverts are less social and that is not true. Introverts need to talk to people just as much, but it’s more secluded to a small group of people they know well. Whereas extroverts can meet new people, hangout in large groups, be the life of the party, and bring people together. It’s more on the surface.
Even with me feeling like there aren’t enough hours in the day because there’s so much work I want to get done, I still get depressed if I don’t get out of the house and hangout with someone that day. The idea of being home alone all day makes me sad. Even if someone could just be there in my house getting work done as well, that would be enough.
So I’m putting out an ad to be my friend. I’ve attached an extensive and rigid questionnaire below that will be required for applying for this position of Friend. Just kidding. There really isn’t any point to this post, this is just how I’ve been feeling the last few weeks as my friend’s preparing to move away. He’s moving away tomorrow, now hangouts will have to be professionally planned. We will still be friends and still hangout, but way less often. There won’t be those random, spontaneous days and nights that end up being amazing. It will just be structured and planned in advance like everything else in life. This is one scenario where I wasn’t sick of my daily routine. I want it back.
As I was saying before, there isn’t much point to this post, but I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’m sure there’s countless other people out there who are feeling the same way as me right now. I realize I sound like I’m complaining, but the difference with me is I act on my complaints. I will seek out a friend and maybe I’ll detail my search in multiple posts. If you feel like I feel right now, let me know.